Career vs. Calling

This morning, I had the privilege of listening to Pastor Neil Varias preaching in our church's anniversary program. He was talking about perfecting holiness and how to live a victorious life. It was really an inspiring message. Besides the fact that Pastor Neil was such an animated speaker, his preaching really got me hooked that I took down notes. Thinking about it, there was this one part where he touched the difference between a career and a calling. This was when he was talking about focusing on the purpose which God intended for us to fulfill. Anyway, he said that the difference between a career and a calling is that a career is something that you do that you get paid for and that a calling is something that you do that money cannot pay for. A calling is something that God can only reward you for doing. He also said that sometimes, God prepares us for our calling by placing us in a specific career.

And then it hit me.

Now that I've been working as a creative writer for the past five years, it suddenly made me think about what I've accomplished. What I've REALLY accomplished. I know that God is the one who gave me this job. He's the one who orchestrated everything for me to be where I am right now. But why is it that I'm not happy? Why is it that all the fulfillment that I get from my said "career" is just superficial? What's missing? And why is it that when I'm in church, I don't mind getting tired? Even if some people in church can get really annoying, why is it that I have more patience for them? My back hurts, my arms get tired, my voice gets hoarse, yet I'm happy. But I'm not getting any younger. I'm 25 years old already and I can't just throw away everything. I need a plan. I need to pray. I need to fast. I need to spend more time with God. I need to stop.

Also, last week, I felt like I was constantly being "bullied" in the office. People keep on demanding things from me. Demanding me to squeeze out everything I can out of my so-called "creative" brain. Well, God has made me creative. It's that specific talent that He gave me and that I'm happy and ever grateful for. But when demands like these come my way, I feel like a kid being asked by a bully for lunch money. Argh! I want all of these to stop! If only I have the luxury to quit my job.

Sigh. I just really pray that God will help me through this. Maybe this is what they call quarter life crisis. But maybe I'm just tired. Maybe I just need a change. Maybe I just to spend more time with God.